Unshaken Grasp.

Today is the first I've felt in a while, 
Because yesterday was last week, 
And last year feels like tomorrow. 

But for right now, in this silent moment, 
I exist.  


And for the first time in a while, 
I feel. 






But surely, 
I wish I didn't. 

Nostolgia

I remember when the raindrops sang songs to me at night when I was alone,
When the night sky screamed terrors above my shaking hands.
I remember when the stars were the roots of my fantasy,
And the couch was where I performed.

I remember when life used to be a circus, 
With a crowd of faces, all filing around me,
Peanuts in hand, and cameras at bay.
And how I longed to be the clown.
Oh how I longed...
Yet all I remained, 
And all that I was, 
Was the same caged animal.

I remember when ring pops, meant power. 
And how coins seemed so much more valuable than bills.
I remember when the Jazz played the Bulls,
And how I didn't understand why everyone was yelling. 

I remember when I didn't remember, 
when I didn't 
remember.

Those were the times.

The Night I Lost My Mind

Tick... Tock...

Tick... Tock...

The hands are moving fast.

Tick... Tock...

Tick... Tock... 

The thoughts have all but passed.

The nights are growing colder, and the carpets getting warm;
Yet here I still lay, poisoned by your gentle touch. 
How could a lamb hurt the wolf? 

But we both know, don't we? 
That isn't quite how the story goes. 

It was never your laugh that I strode for, but the absence of it. 
I needed you to hurt, 
I needed to be the one.

I needed to be the one that saved you.
I needed the feeling, of being remembered,
of meaning something. 

So I broke your bridges, 
and I dropped the dome over your decaying city.
I stole your food, and poisoned your water. 
I made you need me,

I made you.

I made you. 

I made you cry yourself to sleep,
I made you draw lines upon your skin, 
because when I wasn't there to hold hand, 
you did nothing but fall to your destructive mind. 

How could you possibly stand on your own?
When all I did was break your bones. 
I made you this way,
I did,

And In a way,

I liked it.



Yet here I stand now, 
A wolf weak as ever, 

cowering before the lamb that once stood between my jaws.
Ironic, is it not?

I just wish I could say sorry.

You The People.

Soldiers! Don't give yourselves to BRUTES,
Men who DESPISE you, 
ENSLAVE you; 
Who REGIMENT your lives, who tell you what to do, what to think, and what to feel!
Who DRILL you, 
DIET you, 
Treat you like CATTLE, 
Use you as CANNON FODDER. 
Don't give yourselves to these UNNATURAL MEN! 
MACHINE MEN with
MACHINE MINDS and 
MACHINE HEARTS! 
You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men! 
You have the love of humanity in your hearts! 
You don't hate! Only the UNLOVED hate; 
The UNLOVED and the UNNATURAL.
Soldiers! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! 
In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it is written: 
That the kingdom of God is within man, 
Not one man 
Nor a group of men, 
But in ALL men! In you!
You, the people, have the power, 
The power to create machines, 
The power to create happiness! 
You, the people, have the power 
To make this life free and beautiful, 
To make this life a wonderful adventure. 
Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power. 
Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, 
A decent world that will give men a chance to work, 
That will give youth a future and old age a security. 
By the promise of these things, BRUTES have risen to power. BUT THEY LIE!
They do not fulfill that promise. They never will! 
Dictators FREE THEMSELVES but they ENSLAVE the people. 
Now let us fight to fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the world! 
To do away with NATIONAL BARRIERS!
To do away with GREED, 
With HATE, 
And INTOLERANCE! 
Let us fight for a world of reason, 
A world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness. 
You the people.
You.



- Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator Speech, 1940.

You are not how they want.

You work for me.
You talk for me. 
You pay for me. 

You fight for me.
You are imprisoned by me.
You are attacked by me. 

My name is freedom, 
and YOU belong to me. 

So This Is How It Ends.

So, this is how it ends.
This is where my hand writes the last page of my novel. It was shorter than I expected.
It's quiet in my room. My hands are trembling. And the ceiling is winning this staring contest. 
I can do nothing to fight against these thoughts. There's no where to run to. 
There's no where to hide. And there's no one to call. I am alone. 
But that is what I wanted all along... wasn't it?
There is no one that knows who I am, or how I feel. 
Yet I am crying for someone to just hold me.
For someone to just acknowledge that I exist. 
Please.

There's a creak at my door. I hide. My mom calls to me, but is left with no answer. 
She leaves. I exhale, divulging from the corner of my room. 
Now all is calm. But I can feel the waves crashing against my tender heart. 
I urge myself to remember the sorrow, but it has no effect. 
I lay still, feeling the blood trickle from my gaping chest. 
I am hollow. Yet all I crave is destruction. 
The clock ticks at 1:38 a.m. I tense up. 
The walls are closing in, and I can't breathe. 
Why do I confide these feelings. Why do I continue to exist?
It would be so easy..

The thought sends chills down my back. I smile. 
To think all this pain to be gone in an instant makes me relax.
And makes me want to vomit. I check my phones empty messages. 
Knowing there is nothing there, but I want to believe. My stomach contracts.
My brain is on fire, and I can't hug my knees any tighter. 
The tears build up again. I break. 

The air is now chilly, and I'm met again with that still silence again. 
Nothing is thought. But my insides are already on fire. 
I am now angry. I'm angry at life. I'm angry at God.
Why is this happening to me? Why don't they just understand? 
My heart is under siege as my mind begins to beat. 
I think of my dad. How he yelled at me. And my mom, how she justifies why I am wrong.
I punch the floor. And once again. The pain soothing to my heated thoughts. 
I breathe. The steam boiling from my eyes. 
I am still alone. 
I am still alone. 

I make it into my bed. The pillows feel good against my back. 
The moon casting its helping hand around my neck as I close my eyes. 
They didn't mean to hurt me. They only want what's best. 
If only they would understand. I wipe my eyes, and think of tomorrow. 
Everything is going to be okay. 
It's late, and you're alone. 
You're in pain, and there's no end to the silence, banging against your skull. 
Everything at this moment is weighing down on your shoulders more than it should be. 
Just breathe. Relax.
Everything is going to be okay. 

I feel my eyes grow weary, and the covers feel warm against my fragile skin.
The clock blinks to 2 a.m.
I think of my apology, and how I can make them feel okay.
Everything is going to be okay. 
I smile. I sleep. 

You Don't know.

We looked!
Then we saw him step in on the mat! We looked!
And we saw him!
The Cat in the Hat!
And he said to us,
“Why do you sit there like that?”

Why do you sit there? 
                      like that? 

In this world we are nothing but biased .
But who are we to say what's right ,
And what's wrong, 
Without our own hat?

We're all destined to be great. 
Yet personality is just a unbroken series 
                                             of successful gestures.

We take it as if its a competition.
Run by the list of our culture:
1. Cash is king.
2. Communication.
3. Buy, or bury the competition. 

As if your hat alone makes you better than another. 
But in a way, it does. 


So quick are we to judge.
But here's the thing.

You just don’t know.

You just don’t know what’s going on in another person’s life.

You just don’t know the entire situation and the circumstances that are involved.

You just don’t know what’s going on in another person’s head.

You can't even see what color of fabric circles the brim of their head.

So why,

Why do we judge a person so quick. 

Because I got news for you. 

That style magazine that came in the mail,

ain't so fresh now. (And also your neighbor Franks copy).

And your idea of beauty, is just another brick in the wall.

When you judge another,

you do not define them,

you define YOURSELF.

Studies show that on average, the brain compensates and judges a person on a trust level within 0.3 seconds of sight. 0.3 seconds. 

Hey! Oh, you're wearing THAT hat... I gotta get home.

We've all got dirty hands, 

                                And all those nice services you did for your friends

aren't looking so clean now.

And if you are the one wearing the spunky hat, I got news for you friend,

People are always gonna be putting you down,

they're always going to turn their shoulder,

and always gonna press that send button. 

But you know what? 

They'll never be you.

They'll never know you,

Never experience you,

Hell they'll never get the chance to be you!

But they still gonna be driving their nails, deep in your wood,

scratching and prying at your gentle finished touch. 

So put another board behind you and grow stronger, with every crashing blow. 

You are yourself;

You may wear your own hat, 

And you may put on a show, 

but in the end, 

you are nothing but a shard of glass, 

hiding behind the simple fabric on your head, 

that changes everything.